Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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