I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
