Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
