now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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