I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
