i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
