youre lurking in front of me
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I smell like Dick and happiness
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
