Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
