I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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