Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
