i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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