OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
