how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
