I bet he comes in French.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
