new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
