No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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