Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She even gives head with a lisp.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
