Joe is yelling at the trees again.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
