Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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