What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
