omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
