We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
