im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
