I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
