thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
