were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
