Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
