Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
