how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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