Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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