I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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