someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
