Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
