Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
