Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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