Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize