i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
