Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
MIDGETS
????
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
