Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
