It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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