I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
