Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
