Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize