I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
