Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The convent might be a nice break from real life
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
