i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
