my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
