I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
