He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
