Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
