Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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