I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
well you can't waste a boner
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
