I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
