doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
