If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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