She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
