I need to stop coming to work sober
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
