So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize