Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
