She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize