so explain again why im purple
no
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
