YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
