He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
