She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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